Watch Your Language

Quebec, currently a province within Canada, has a minority government dedicated to separating from Canada to create its own country.

To that end the separatists do their best to alienate English-speaking residents. The ultimate aim of these fascists is for English-speaking Quebeckers to leave the province. Why? Because the English-speaking people tend to vote in referendums for the federal government and against separation.

To annoy English-speakers the separatists focus on limiting the English language in the workplace, schools and wherever else that strikes their fancy. Their rationale is that they are protecting the French language (spoken by the majority of Quebec residents). The government devotes $24.7 million annually to a special "police" force that investigates complaints about the absence of French or the predominance of English.

This narrow-mindedness, not mention, xenophobic behaviour, has led to some hilarious events. Such as:

Pastagate

An Italian restaurant was ordered to print a French version of the word "Pasta".

Pastrygate

A pastry store was ordered to adapt its multilingual "welcome" sign so that French would be three times the size of the other languages.

Turbangate

Little Sikh boys were forbidden to play soccer while wearing their turbans (a religious requirement) despite the approval of FIFA, the world soccer federation.

Spoongate

A yoghurt shop had its plastic spoons confiscated because the wording on them was in English only.

This car's all wet

A Windsor, Ontario student driver will never forget his first driving lesson. [Postmedia News]  He put the car in reverse but instead of pressing the brake his foot depressed the accelerator and the car roared backwards through a wooden fence into a private swimming pool.

No humans were harmed but the car drowned.

If only it had floated the company could have used the car's floatation ability as a selling point.

$100,000 worth of damages when a 17-year-old smashed her speeding car into two cars, a boat and a house in Barrie, Ontario. [Postmedia News]. 


Police speculate that the teen was texting on her phone while at the same time attempting to pick up a cat that was loose in the car.


The moral of this story? Cats don't take lightly to you stopping them texting.

Money laundering in Montreal? Pas possible!

According to the Montreal Gazette in October 2011 the International Money Laundering Conference in downtown Montreal attracted more than 600 delegates from 48 countries.

After all, what location could surpass that of Montreal where hoodlums are lionized and a public enquiry into corruption among politicians and construction companies will finally soon be underway after months of stalling by Quebec's premier? Where the Gazette routinely reports on Mafia killings and the exploits of the Hell's Angels?

No doubt delegates had fun swapping heavy suitcases full of cash from the four dozen countries.

It's Always Healthier to Wash Your Hands

Two Montreal men tried to fool a Calgary sailboat seller by offering to buy two sailboats (worth a cool $100,000) with cash. [Postmedia News] 

Catch was that their "cash" had to be smuggled into the country disguised as plain paper. The scam artists washed such a piece of paper with a chemical to transform it into a $50 note.

But the boat salespeople were suspicious and called the police. The men have been charged with fraud.

Gives a whole new meaning to "money laundering."

Burglar demands two weeks' pay

(vegadsl)

After a New Brunswick man was arrested for breaking into the place where he worked he later demanded 2 weeks' pay because his boss had not given him the customary two weeks' notice!

A tribunal actually awarded the would-be thief over $900. However, New Brunswick's Labour and Employment Board reversed that decision, concluding that his burglary "constituted just cause for termination of his employment." [Montreal Gazette].

The man served time in house arrest for the break-in.

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World's cardinals meet for sex abuse talks

World's cardinals meet for sex abuse talks. [headline in the Montreal Gazette, courtesy of Agence France-Presse]


Honing their techniques?