Sunday, December 31, 2006

Anti-war Christmas Tree Unacceptable to United Way

Anti-war decorations on a Christmas tree were offensive to someone in the United Way in Burlington, Ontario [Montreal Gazette] so the tree was removed from its charity auction.

The tree
was decorated with Christmas crackers, poppies and a platoon of toy soldiers by Pakistan-born artist Asma Arshad Mahmood. She entitled the piece of art "Merry Christmas from Mesopotamia, lest we forget."

Quite right. Christmas is not, of course, a time to encourage peace and an end to war. The tree is a pagan symbol and Christianity itself has a long history of torture, blood, gore, prejudice and discrimination.

Just as Jesus said: "Think not that I am come to send peace on earth; I came not to send peace, but a sword. " [Matthew, 10:34]

Wednesday, November 29, 2006

Nothing To Crow About

Crows are flocking to our cities. Murders of crows are blanketing Charlottetown, P.E.I.'s waterfront and have previously inundated Woodstock, Ontario where at least 40,000 crows outnumbered human residents. [Canadian Press]

The noise and feces of these murders disturb and annoy their human hosts. In Charlottetown the City Council is reluctant to spend the necessary money to shoo away the birds with "high-pitched bird distress and and predator calls".

One councillor suggested his colleagues fear the crows might migrate to their own backyards.

A solution is still being sought.

Strange that the City Council doesn't see the obvious: why not make crow pie a delicacy, in the clever way that the French made slimy snails (ugh!) and slithery oysters (double ugh!) into gourmet foods.

Oh, right. No City Councillor is going to eat crow.

Friday, September 29, 2006

Fortune for the Fortune Teller

78-year-old Sophie Evon is wanted by the police after scamming a broken-hearted Seattle woman out of $220,000 and fleeing from Toronto to British Columbia.[Canwest News Service].

Seems the 26-year-old video store clerk victim was depressed after being dumped by her boyfriend. She sought the palm-reading help of Evon's daughter-in-law Sylvia Lee (now serving 18 months in a U.S. prison).

The two fortune-telling crooks (are there any other kind? It's like saying some psychics are genuine) put the victim through a ritual of cleansing her of evil which cost the clerk some $10,000. Then the love-sick victim was persuaded by these heartless criminals to help the ex-boyfriend who was, according to them, in serious
trouble. He could be helped, they claimed, by their praying for 24 hours over substantial cash. So the victim liquidated the retirement savings of her parents, handed over $209,500 in $100 bills and never received a penny back.

Too bad she didn't realise the fortune tellers were preying.

Sunday, July 30, 2006

Convicted Mum Killer Can Become A Lawyer

He stabbed his naked mother 40 times and slashed her throat to end her suffering. He was sentenced to four years and 10 months. Served a less than a year.

Now, years later, he is deemed by the Quebec Professions Tribunal to have the right qualities to become a lawyer. [Montreal Gazette]

Following the ruling The Quebec Bar Association gave up its 10-year fight to prevent Sebastien Brousseau being admitted to the bar.

The three Tribunal judges claimed the bar's opposition arose from subjective views, not from evidence. Contrary to the bar's assertion that Brousseau lacks the characteristics necessary to instill confidence in the public and the judicial system, the Tribunal noted that many lawyers and non-lawyers signed affidavits attesting that Brousseau is not the same 21-year-old he was in 1990. That indeed, he'd earned the respect of his law-school professors, lawyers and employers.

Gives a whole new meaning to the expression "cut-throat lawyer."

Monday, June 12, 2006

Feel nauseous?

Quebec's auditor-general is alarmed that restaurant inspectors -- searching for health risks such as E-coli and salmonella -- in Montreal are doing a more thorough job than their counterparts in the rest of the Province.

His solution? The Province should take over Montreal restaurant inspections.[Montreal Gazette]

Right. Why raise standards when you can lower them?

Sometimes you need a strong stomach to digest our politicians' silliness.

Wednesday, May 31, 2006

Naked lawyer guilty

A nude lawyer admitted his guilt in court after a passer-by in Trois Rivieres reported him for being in a public place clad only in a hat and shoes. [The Gazette, Montreal]

The lawyer (whose name we omit because he's suffered enough sardonic publicity) had been charged with a similar offence in the 1990s but won an acquittal because he'd been entrapped by a cop.

This time his feeble excuse was that he was hot from jogging and had stopped to change his clothes. But the judge was troubled by the lawyer's behaviour, saying that it was "not good for the members of the bar."

So even when a lawyer wants to show the naked truth, he is rebuked.

However, now the lawyer's clients will surely believe him when he offers to give them the shirt off his back.

Tuesday, April 25, 2006

We'll drink to that

An ad for Australian tourism had to be re-shot for Canadian TV viewers. Seems our Aussie cousins actually dared to show a glass of beer that was half-empty (or half-full, depending upon whether you're an optimistic Australian or a pessimsitic Canadian).

In Canada the government won't allow TV ads that show people actually drinking non-branded beer -- or even holding a glass of beer that's less than full..

The resulting scornful uproar brought Australia world-wide free publicity. [Canwest News Service]

Of course, the real reason for the Canadian ban is that we don't drink beer from a glass. From babyhood on, it's a bottle of beer, thank you very much.

To see the Australian ad go to http://wherethebloodyhellareyou.com

Tuesday, March 21, 2006

The $28,700 coffee cup

A ten-year-old girl picks a Tim Hortons coffee cup out of the garbage at her school and begins a woeful tale of greed.

Seems the cardboard cup is worth $28,700 -- the value of an SUV that was uncovered as a prize when the little girl asked a 12-year-old friend with stronger fingers to help her "roll up the rim" of the cardboard cup. [The Gazette, Montreal].

The 12-year-old's parents phoned a local radio station for advice because they wanted 50% of the prize value!

Then a man demanded the cup be tested for DNA evidence to prove that he was the rightful owner of the cup. His lawyer claims the man purchased and enjoyed the coffee and even though he threw away the empty cup he's entitled to the SUV prize.

I know, I know. You're waiting for the trite comment, "a tempest in a coffee cup" but all I can say is kudos to the marketing experts at Tim Hortons who produced a TV commercial so powerful that it encouraged a 10 -year-old girl to rummage around in her school's garbage looking for a rim to roll up.



Thursday, February 16, 2006

Gross Anti-Smoking Ads

A study of gruesome pictures on cigarette packages showed that throat cancers, blackened lungs and decayed teeth did not deter 12 female volunteers from smoking.

Magnetic resource imaging determined their brains' reactions to the pictures, printed on cigarette packages since 2001. Even the most revolting (to non-smokers) images failed to have an impact on the young women. [Canwest News Service].

Researcher and graduate student Shoshanna Campbell got it right when she said the cigarette packs should show "smoking makes you poor, or if you smoke you'll get ugly."

It's my guess that teenagers, far from being grossed out by the disgusting images might even collect them. This study (fortunately funded not by taxpayers but by something called The Canadian Tobacco Control Research Initiative) is an example of scientists wasting their time and money investigating something that is obvious to laypeople -- namely that youngsters think they're going to live forever.

Until smoking is made to appear uncool the growing percentage of kids (especially girls) will continue.

It's a typical dilemma for Canadian Federal and Provincial Governments: cigarettes are a legal product, their sales bring in a lot of tax money yet smokers get sick and require a good chunk of scarce medical resources. On the other hand, they die sooner thus saving some Medicare dollars.

No wonder politicians are nervous.

It's enough to make them reach for a smoke.

Monday, January 02, 2006

Steals $16 million, Serves 14 Months

An Edmonton former bank manager, Nick Lysyk, is free on parole after serving 14 months of his 88 month sentence for robbing the Bank of Montreal of $16,335,000. [Canadian Press]

He'd set up 64 phony loans until he was caught in 2002. The bank seized $5 million in cash and assets.

Hmm. That leaves some $11 million unaccounted for. Think Mr Lysyk has it squirreled away somewhere warm and cozy? You can bank on it.