Quebec's auditor-general is alarmed that restaurant inspectors -- searching for health risks such as E-coli and salmonella -- in Montreal are doing a more thorough job than their counterparts in the rest of the Province.
His solution? The Province should take over Montreal restaurant inspections.[Montreal Gazette]
Right. Why raise standards when you can lower them?
Sometimes you need a strong stomach to digest our politicians' silliness.
Monday, June 12, 2006
Wednesday, May 31, 2006
Naked lawyer guilty
A nude lawyer admitted his guilt in court after a passer-by in Trois Rivieres reported him for being in a public place clad only in a hat and shoes. [The Gazette, Montreal]
The lawyer (whose name we omit because he's suffered enough sardonic publicity) had been charged with a similar offence in the 1990s but won an acquittal because he'd been entrapped by a cop.
This time his feeble excuse was that he was hot from jogging and had stopped to change his clothes. But the judge was troubled by the lawyer's behaviour, saying that it was "not good for the members of the bar."
So even when a lawyer wants to show the naked truth, he is rebuked.
However, now the lawyer's clients will surely believe him when he offers to give them the shirt off his back.
The lawyer (whose name we omit because he's suffered enough sardonic publicity) had been charged with a similar offence in the 1990s but won an acquittal because he'd been entrapped by a cop.
This time his feeble excuse was that he was hot from jogging and had stopped to change his clothes. But the judge was troubled by the lawyer's behaviour, saying that it was "not good for the members of the bar."
So even when a lawyer wants to show the naked truth, he is rebuked.
However, now the lawyer's clients will surely believe him when he offers to give them the shirt off his back.
Tuesday, April 25, 2006
We'll drink to that
An ad for Australian tourism had to be re-shot for Canadian TV viewers. Seems our Aussie cousins actually dared to show a glass of beer that was half-empty (or half-full, depending upon whether you're an optimistic Australian or a pessimsitic Canadian).
In Canada the government won't allow TV ads that show people actually drinking non-branded beer -- or even holding a glass of beer that's less than full..
The resulting scornful uproar brought Australia world-wide free publicity. [Canwest News Service]
Of course, the real reason for the Canadian ban is that we don't drink beer from a glass. From babyhood on, it's a bottle of beer, thank you very much.
To see the Australian ad go to http://wherethebloodyhellareyou.com
In Canada the government won't allow TV ads that show people actually drinking non-branded beer -- or even holding a glass of beer that's less than full..
The resulting scornful uproar brought Australia world-wide free publicity. [Canwest News Service]
Of course, the real reason for the Canadian ban is that we don't drink beer from a glass. From babyhood on, it's a bottle of beer, thank you very much.
To see the Australian ad go to http://wherethebloodyhellareyou.com
Tuesday, March 21, 2006
The $28,700 coffee cup
A ten-year-old girl picks a Tim Hortons coffee cup out of the garbage at her school and begins a woeful tale of greed.
Seems the cardboard cup is worth $28,700 -- the value of an SUV that was uncovered as a prize when the little girl asked a 12-year-old friend with stronger fingers to help her "roll up the rim" of the cardboard cup. [The Gazette, Montreal].
The 12-year-old's parents phoned a local radio station for advice because they wanted 50% of the prize value!
Then a man demanded the cup be tested for DNA evidence to prove that he was the rightful owner of the cup. His lawyer claims the man purchased and enjoyed the coffee and even though he threw away the empty cup he's entitled to the SUV prize.
I know, I know. You're waiting for the trite comment, "a tempest in a coffee cup" but all I can say is kudos to the marketing experts at Tim Hortons who produced a TV commercial so powerful that it encouraged a 10 -year-old girl to rummage around in her school's garbage looking for a rim to roll up.
Seems the cardboard cup is worth $28,700 -- the value of an SUV that was uncovered as a prize when the little girl asked a 12-year-old friend with stronger fingers to help her "roll up the rim" of the cardboard cup. [The Gazette, Montreal].
The 12-year-old's parents phoned a local radio station for advice because they wanted 50% of the prize value!
Then a man demanded the cup be tested for DNA evidence to prove that he was the rightful owner of the cup. His lawyer claims the man purchased and enjoyed the coffee and even though he threw away the empty cup he's entitled to the SUV prize.
I know, I know. You're waiting for the trite comment, "a tempest in a coffee cup" but all I can say is kudos to the marketing experts at Tim Hortons who produced a TV commercial so powerful that it encouraged a 10 -year-old girl to rummage around in her school's garbage looking for a rim to roll up.
Thursday, February 16, 2006
Gross Anti-Smoking Ads
A study of gruesome pictures on cigarette packages showed that throat cancers, blackened lungs and decayed teeth did not deter 12 female volunteers from smoking.
Magnetic resource imaging determined their brains' reactions to the pictures, printed on cigarette packages since 2001. Even the most revolting (to non-smokers) images failed to have an impact on the young women. [Canwest News Service].
Researcher and graduate student Shoshanna Campbell got it right when she said the cigarette packs should show "smoking makes you poor, or if you smoke you'll get ugly."
It's my guess that teenagers, far from being grossed out by the disgusting images might even collect them. This study (fortunately funded not by taxpayers but by something called The Canadian Tobacco Control Research Initiative) is an example of scientists wasting their time and money investigating something that is obvious to laypeople -- namely that youngsters think they're going to live forever.
Until smoking is made to appear uncool the growing percentage of kids (especially girls) will continue.
It's a typical dilemma for Canadian Federal and Provincial Governments: cigarettes are a legal product, their sales bring in a lot of tax money yet smokers get sick and require a good chunk of scarce medical resources. On the other hand, they die sooner thus saving some Medicare dollars.
No wonder politicians are nervous.
It's enough to make them reach for a smoke.
Magnetic resource imaging determined their brains' reactions to the pictures, printed on cigarette packages since 2001. Even the most revolting (to non-smokers) images failed to have an impact on the young women. [Canwest News Service].
Researcher and graduate student Shoshanna Campbell got it right when she said the cigarette packs should show "smoking makes you poor, or if you smoke you'll get ugly."
It's my guess that teenagers, far from being grossed out by the disgusting images might even collect them. This study (fortunately funded not by taxpayers but by something called The Canadian Tobacco Control Research Initiative) is an example of scientists wasting their time and money investigating something that is obvious to laypeople -- namely that youngsters think they're going to live forever.
Until smoking is made to appear uncool the growing percentage of kids (especially girls) will continue.
It's a typical dilemma for Canadian Federal and Provincial Governments: cigarettes are a legal product, their sales bring in a lot of tax money yet smokers get sick and require a good chunk of scarce medical resources. On the other hand, they die sooner thus saving some Medicare dollars.
No wonder politicians are nervous.
It's enough to make them reach for a smoke.
Monday, January 02, 2006
Steals $16 million, Serves 14 Months
An Edmonton former bank manager, Nick Lysyk, is free on parole after serving 14 months of his 88 month sentence for robbing the Bank of Montreal of $16,335,000. [Canadian Press]
He'd set up 64 phony loans until he was caught in 2002. The bank seized $5 million in cash and assets.
Hmm. That leaves some $11 million unaccounted for. Think Mr Lysyk has it squirreled away somewhere warm and cozy? You can bank on it.
He'd set up 64 phony loans until he was caught in 2002. The bank seized $5 million in cash and assets.
Hmm. That leaves some $11 million unaccounted for. Think Mr Lysyk has it squirreled away somewhere warm and cozy? You can bank on it.
Thursday, December 29, 2005
Not Just Barefoot in the Kitchen
20% of Canadians enjoy sex in the kitchen according to a Gallup poll. [National Post]
While this stat pales in comparison to the 33% of Danes and 28% of Norwegians who enjoy cooking naked it is close to the 22% of Swedes and Japanese who relish kitchen sex.
Think about that next time you're sitting around a Canadian kitchen table. Or maybe not.
While this stat pales in comparison to the 33% of Danes and 28% of Norwegians who enjoy cooking naked it is close to the 22% of Swedes and Japanese who relish kitchen sex.
Think about that next time you're sitting around a Canadian kitchen table. Or maybe not.
"Santa" caught red-faced
Christnas eve in Belleville, Ontario saw Santa Claus apprehended by police as he was about to enter a home. Clothed in red and carrying gifts the jolly fat man had been reported by a neighbour as a suspicious character lurking nearby.
When police questioned Santa the embarrassed man turned out to be a fellow cop. He was off-duty and said he was simply trying to sneak into his own house to plant gifts as a surprise for his kids. [Montreal Gazette]
So who's been naught or nice? You'd think a cop would know that these days Identity Theft is taken very seriously. Can you imagine what the real Santa Claus will be giving that cop next Christmas?
When police questioned Santa the embarrassed man turned out to be a fellow cop. He was off-duty and said he was simply trying to sneak into his own house to plant gifts as a surprise for his kids. [Montreal Gazette]
So who's been naught or nice? You'd think a cop would know that these days Identity Theft is taken very seriously. Can you imagine what the real Santa Claus will be giving that cop next Christmas?
Wednesday, December 21, 2005
Definitely Not Jolly Rogers
A $12,000 cell phone bill from Rogers Wireless astounded customer (and lawyer) Susan Drummond
She refused to pay because the calls had been made not by her but by Hezbollah the terrorist organizaton. They had "cloned" her phone -- captured the number and the encrypted security code -- to make hundreds of overseas calls.
According to Toronto's Globe and Mail Ted Rogers and some of his executives have also had their phones cloned.
But Rogers insists Ms Drummond pay the bill (now grown to over $14,000). Her court claim is that the company has the technology to detect unusual patterns of calling so Rogers should have contacted Ms Drummond when the calls began. The company should have immediately cut off the terrorists' use of her phone number.
Now you know what is really meant by a "terrorist cell,"
She refused to pay because the calls had been made not by her but by Hezbollah the terrorist organizaton. They had "cloned" her phone -- captured the number and the encrypted security code -- to make hundreds of overseas calls.
According to Toronto's Globe and Mail Ted Rogers and some of his executives have also had their phones cloned.
But Rogers insists Ms Drummond pay the bill (now grown to over $14,000). Her court claim is that the company has the technology to detect unusual patterns of calling so Rogers should have contacted Ms Drummond when the calls began. The company should have immediately cut off the terrorists' use of her phone number.
Now you know what is really meant by a "terrorist cell,"
Thursday, December 15, 2005
Bush takes responsibility for faulty intelligence
No way I can top that Montreal Gazette headline (December 15, 2005).
Monday, December 05, 2005
Drug of Choice
Police were called to investigate drug use by residents of one of Quebec's largest psychiatric hospitals. Some of the 800 patients at the Robert Giffard Hospital apparently like to use marijuana. Despite the progressive nature of this hospital (it recently instituted a pilot program that allows patients to have sex in their rooms) their 60-member security force doesn't like to find small quantities of hashish or marijuana in patients' rooms. (Montreal Gazette).
The guards either smell the illicit drugs or notice that a patient is stoned. How it's possible for the guards to distinguish the difference between the effects of psychiatric drugs and the effects of hash, is not explained.
Prescribed drugs are forced upon the patients (until they eventually become dependent on the medications). But a street drug that a patient might choose to ingest is technically against the law and so there's a punishment. Someone caught smoking marijuana is punished by not being allowed into the hospital's (cigarette) smoking areas.
Hmm. It's ok for the patients to be experimented on with psychiatric drugs, it's ok for them to commit slow suicide with cigarettes but it's not ok to puff a little weed?
The guards either smell the illicit drugs or notice that a patient is stoned. How it's possible for the guards to distinguish the difference between the effects of psychiatric drugs and the effects of hash, is not explained.
Prescribed drugs are forced upon the patients (until they eventually become dependent on the medications). But a street drug that a patient might choose to ingest is technically against the law and so there's a punishment. Someone caught smoking marijuana is punished by not being allowed into the hospital's (cigarette) smoking areas.
Hmm. It's ok for the patients to be experimented on with psychiatric drugs, it's ok for them to commit slow suicide with cigarettes but it's not ok to puff a little weed?
Monday, November 21, 2005
Colour Me Tasty
The margarine police have been spying on Wal-Mart stores in Quebec.
Wal-Mart's crime? Selling yellow margarine. Quebec is the only place in the world that still bans yellow margarine. Seems the authorities think people might confuse yellow margarine with butter.
A court case against Unilever (makers of yellow margarine) went all the way to the Supreme Court of Canada which earlier this year ruled that Quebec had the right to maintain the ban on yellow margarine. [Montreal Gazette]
Just imagine those inspectors opening tub after tub labelled "margarine" to see whether the contents look like yellow butter!
To further complicate this close-to-the-heart issue, one butter-making company recently decided to market a "lite" butter -- which is white.
So, what's next? A law dictating that butter must be yellow?
Or that Quebeckers be taught to read?
Wal-Mart's crime? Selling yellow margarine. Quebec is the only place in the world that still bans yellow margarine. Seems the authorities think people might confuse yellow margarine with butter.
A court case against Unilever (makers of yellow margarine) went all the way to the Supreme Court of Canada which earlier this year ruled that Quebec had the right to maintain the ban on yellow margarine. [Montreal Gazette]
Just imagine those inspectors opening tub after tub labelled "margarine" to see whether the contents look like yellow butter!
To further complicate this close-to-the-heart issue, one butter-making company recently decided to market a "lite" butter -- which is white.
So, what's next? A law dictating that butter must be yellow?
Or that Quebeckers be taught to read?
Monday, November 14, 2005
Who Cares?
The Human Resources Department of the Canadian Federal Government (remember them -- $300 million disbursed and unaccounted for a few years ago?) is being criticised again.
This time it's for distributing $11 million to caregivers under its Compassionate Care program for people looking after the terminally ill elderly.
But the critics are being unfair. They should remember that our Government's priority for "Compassion" and "Caring" is themselves. Bloated bureaucracies, fat-cat politicians.
What a fine job they're doing -- with our money.
This time it's for distributing $11 million to caregivers under its Compassionate Care program for people looking after the terminally ill elderly.
Hmm, that should read ONLY $11 million. Why?
Because administration and advertising for the same period , 2003-2005 cost a whopping $69.8 million. [Canwest News Service]But the critics are being unfair. They should remember that our Government's priority for "Compassion" and "Caring" is themselves. Bloated bureaucracies, fat-cat politicians.
What a fine job they're doing -- with our money.
Wednesday, November 09, 2005
Priest Scandalises Church
Father Ed (Rev. Ed Cachia) dared to advocate discussion about the ordination of women.
The Roman Catholic Church in Coburg, Ontario, swiftly suspended the popular priest after he took part in the "ordination" of nine women on a cruise boat in the St Lawrence river. He also celebrated the Eucharist with female "priests" in the U.S.
When Father Ed refused to recant his opinion that the Church should debate ordination for women who feel called to the priesthood Bishop Nicola De Angelis suspended the 56 year old priest indefinitely. [Canwest News Service].
Clearly this is a serious issue. After all, we know the Church has in the past protected priests who sexually abused children. Such priests were transferred to continue their work in other dioceses. But to advocate the ordination of women! Father Ed deserved to be defrocked, so to speak.
Tuesday, November 08, 2005
Mailman loves mail so much he can't let go
75,000 pieces of mail were hoarded by a Montreal postie in his apartment and in his country cottage.
Seems that he just couldn't bear to part with the letters and parcels. For six years people on his mail route had complained to Canada Post about not receiving their mail. But no one investigated until recently. [Montreal Gazette]
Gives a whole new meaning to Canada Post's slogan "From Anywhere to Anyone".
Seems that he just couldn't bear to part with the letters and parcels. For six years people on his mail route had complained to Canada Post about not receiving their mail. But no one investigated until recently. [Montreal Gazette]
Gives a whole new meaning to Canada Post's slogan "From Anywhere to Anyone".
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