Not Just Barefoot in the Kitchen

20% of Canadians enjoy sex in the kitchen according to a Gallup poll. [National Post]

While this stat pales in comparison to the 33% of Danes and 28% of Norwegians who enjoy cooking naked it is close to the 22% of Swedes and Japanese who relish kitchen sex.

Think about that next time you're sitting around a Canadian kitchen table. Or maybe not.

"Santa" caught red-faced

Christnas eve in Belleville, Ontario saw Santa Claus apprehended by police as he was about to enter a home. Clothed in red and carrying gifts the jolly fat man had been reported by a neighbour as a suspicious character lurking nearby.

When police questioned Santa the embarrassed man turned out to be a fellow cop. He was off-duty and said he was simply trying to sneak into his own house to plant gifts as a surprise for his kids. [Montreal Gazette]

So who's been naught or nice? You'd think a cop would know that these days Identity Theft is taken very seriously. Can you imagine what the real Santa Claus will be giving that cop next Christmas?

Definitely Not Jolly Rogers

A $12,000 cell phone bill from Rogers Wireless astounded customer (and lawyer) Susan Drummond

She refused to pay because the calls had been made not by her but by Hezbollah the terrorist organizaton. They had "cloned" her phone -- captured the number and the encrypted security code -- to make hundreds of overseas calls.

According to Toronto's Globe and Mail Ted Rogers and some of his executives have also had their phones cloned.

But Rogers insists Ms Drummond pay the bill (now grown to over $14,000). Her court claim is that the company has the technology to detect unusual patterns of calling so Rogers should have contacted Ms Drummond when the calls began. The company should have immediately cut off the terrorists' use of her phone number.

Now you know what is really meant by a "terrorist cell,"

Bush takes responsibility for faulty intelligence

No way I can top that Montreal Gazette headline (December 15, 2005).

Drug of Choice

Police were called to investigate drug use by residents of one of Quebec's largest psychiatric hospitals. Some of the 800 patients at the Robert Giffard Hospital apparently like to use marijuana. Despite the progressive nature of this hospital (it recently instituted a pilot program that allows patients to have sex in their rooms) their 60-member security force doesn't like to find small quantities of hashish or marijuana in patients' rooms. (Montreal Gazette).

The guards either smell the illicit drugs or notice that a patient is stoned. How it's possible for the guards to distinguish the difference between the effects of psychiatric drugs and the effects of hash, is not explained.

Prescribed drugs are forced upon the patients (until they eventually become dependent on the medications). But a street drug that a patient might choose to ingest is technically against the law and so there's a punishment. Someone caught smoking marijuana is punished by not being allowed into the hospital's (cigarette) smoking areas.

Hmm. It's ok for the patients to be experimented on with psychiatric drugs, it's ok for them to commit slow suicide with cigarettes but it's not ok to puff a little weed?

Colour Me Tasty

The margarine police have been spying on Wal-Mart stores in Quebec.

Wal-Mart's crime? Selling yellow margarine. Quebec is the only place in the world that still bans yellow margarine. Seems the authorities think people might confuse yellow margarine with butter.

A court case against Unilever (makers of yellow margarine) went all the way to the Supreme Court of Canada which earlier this year ruled that Quebec had the right to maintain the ban on yellow margarine. [Montreal Gazette]

Just imagine those inspectors opening tub after tub labelled "margarine" to see whether the contents look like yellow butter!

To further complicate this close-to-the-heart issue, one butter-making company recently decided to market a "lite" butter -- which is white.

So, what's next? A law dictating that butter must be yellow?
Or that Quebeckers be taught to read?

Who Cares?

The Human Resources Department of the Canadian Federal Government (remember them -- $300 million disbursed and unaccounted for a few years ago?) is being criticised again.

This time it's for distributing $11 million to caregivers under its Compassionate Care program for people looking after the terminally ill elderly.

Hmm, that should read ONLY $11 million. Why?

Because administration and advertising for the same period , 2003-2005 cost a whopping $69.8 million. [Canwest News Service]

But the critics are being unfair. They should remember that our Government's priority for "Compassion" and "Caring" is themselves. Bloated bureaucracies, fat-cat politicians.

What a fine job they're doing -- with our money.

Priest Scandalises Church

Father Ed (Rev. Ed Cachia) dared to advocate discussion about the ordination of women.

The Roman Catholic Church in Coburg, Ontario, swiftly suspended the popular priest after he took part in the "ordination" of nine women on a cruise boat in the St Lawrence river. He also celebrated the Eucharist with female "priests" in the U.S.

When Father Ed refused to recant his opinion that the Church should debate ordination for women who feel called to the priesthood Bishop Nicola De Angelis suspended the 56 year old priest indefinitely. [Canwest News Service].

Clearly this is a serious issue. After all, we know the Church has in the past protected priests who sexually abused children. Such priests were transferred to continue their work in other dioceses. But to advocate the ordination of women! Father Ed deserved to be defrocked, so to speak.

Mailman loves mail so much he can't let go

75,000 pieces of mail were hoarded by a Montreal postie in his apartment and in his country cottage.

Seems that he just couldn't bear to part with the letters and parcels. For six years people on his mail route had complained to Canada Post about not receiving their mail. But no one investigated until recently. [Montreal Gazette]

Gives a whole new meaning to Canada Post's slogan "From Anywhere to Anyone".